My brother Richard called me a few days ago to tell me that our father Ed had died last Thursday. It had taken a few days for the family of his third wife Pat to track down any of us kids. I’m still in a bit of shock, but I thought I’d post a few lines now and maybe a bit more later.
It was my dad’s skepticism about all things religious that made me the weird kind of skeptical believer that I am today. He used to say that he was a “fundamentalist agnostic”—he just didn’t know for sure about God, and neither did you!
He was born on a farm in Monroe, Indiana, one of eleven (surviving) brothers and sisters. He got away from the farm as soon as he could, heading for the “big city” of Detroit. He met my mother Jeanette and married her in 1941. Five children followed, one of whom was me.
He earned his living as a salesman, a realtor, and a home contractor. He retired in his 70’s after falling off a roof. For a while he was a Mariposa County organizer for the Libertarian Party in California.
He always thought my career was weird but was happy if I was happy. I don’t know if he saw the dedication of The Pagan Man that mentioned him, though I believe I sent him a copy. Ironically, he died as the typesetting was being done on Real Energy, which mentions the two Eds in its dedication. Now he’s another face added to our ancestor altar, alongside Phae’s father Ed, whom we added last year.
No matter how old we get, we rarely really expect our parents to die. We know intellectually (at least from the age of ten or so) that it’s inevitable, but we always assume emotionally that it will happen “someday” in the indefinite future. We put off phone calls and visits thinking that we’ll be able to get around to it next week or month or year.
Phae and I were planning to visit my Dad this summer, as part of our “scouting expedition” for the long-planned move to Ashland, Oregon. He and Pat were living only a few miles away in Klamuth Falls, OR. Their presence there was one of the reasons why we were planning the move, so my dad would have at least one child nearby. We will probably still make the move in 2008, but now it will be to visit his widow and/or his grave.
Phone calls were frustrating for both my father and myself since his stroke a few years ago. I’d made one personal visit to see him a few years back with Arthur, who was then eight or ten. Art has no memory of the event and is now asking to visit my mom in Michigan as soon as possible, so he’ll have a few memories of her.
My mind is filled with all the obvious regrets. We were never a closeknit family. My sisters stayed in better touch with our parents than us boys did, though oddly my siblings have all started to gravitate towards Michigan and Wisconsin. I talk to my siblings two or three times a year, a little more in recent years, but not much.
If the money comes so we can afford it, I think Phae, Art, and I will visit my mom this summer. Right now, I need to call her and my sibs.
Sorry for your loss.
I’m so sorry to hear about your Dad, Isaac. I remember him, and appreciated his kindness when Rene and I drove out to Mariposa to pick up Mithrandir the cat, who had endeared himself to Ed and his wife (so much so that they almost didn’t give him back to me!). When I had called they had not realized quite who I was, but remembered me when I arrived. We all had a warm goodbye and they sent us off with food for Mithrandir and good wishes all around.
Don’t know what prompted me to check in on your blog just now all of a sudden, but finding this post here I’m guessing it was to see this and send warm thoughts your way as you make peace with the death of your father.
Blessings,
Selene
Thanks so much, honey. I appreciate the warm thoughts, especially as I find myself feeling more mortal…
Any chance of you two coming up to PantheaCon this year? Maybe Anodea and Richard too? I’d love to see you all while I’m in San Jose.
No – and these days it’s about coming down rather than up – we’re living in Seattle for a few years. I get down to our place in Santa Cruz about once a month, and both of us will be there from Feb. 10-13th (we’re hosting a men’s workshop). Richard will be at PantheaCon – he’s offering Geology for Pagans – but Anodea will be teaching at Kripalu in MA. I don’t suppose you’re coming in early enough in the week to cross paths with us, but let me know if you are and we’ll figure something out.
Looks like we’ll miss each other by one week! Oh well, Phae and I are flying out to Medford sometime this summer for a week of house scouting in Ashland. Maybe we can scoot up to Seattle?
I’m sorry for your loss, Isaac. The Roberts Shea and Wilson were never so right as when they said in Illuminatus! that mourning never ends — at least I find that to be so — but from your description of his independence and intellect he certainly lives on in you.
May he always shine in your memory.
Isaac,
I have only met you once in passing (we were both presenters at Finger Lakes Pagan Pride Day), but I wanted to express my condolences on your father’s passing. It is never easy… May you and your family find consolation in one another’s company, and peace in the bonds of love between you.
Isaac,
I’ve never met you, but since I’m in ADF you’ve obviously had a significant influence on my life. I just want to say I’m sorry for your loss. I lost my father when I was young, and all I can say is that it gets easier, even if it doesn’t go away. At least, though, you know he’s still around somewhere, even if not in this world.
Just linked in to your blog today.
Condolences on the loss of your father, Isaac. I have one failing in a VA hospital back east, and this reminds me to get in touch and go visit one more time.
RE: your plans to relocate: there’s a circle of us longtime pagan souls based around Mt. Shasta, an hour from Ashland. We are familiar faces from the NROOGD suite as well as the Bay Area scene 30 years ago. We’d happily include you and Phaedra in our extended community!
Email me offblog…
Thanks for the kind words. We’re really looking forward to living in Ashland. Not only are there lots of Druids in the Medford area, there’s Wiccans and other Pagans in the Northwestern California neighborhood too!
Professor Bonewits, I’m new to your blog, so I hope you will forgive the lateness of this. I offer my sincere condolences on the loss of your father. I read your article, and it brought a tear to my eye, as it reminded me about my father and our relationship.
Even though I do not know you personally, I feel I have gotten to know you through your writings. I have read several of your books now, and I have developed a sincere respect for your views and your research.
I look forward to reading more of your research. Hope to cross paths with you sometime. Sincerely, Galen.