A Pagan Polyamory Page
(Version 2.6)
Copyright © 1999, 2005 c.e., Isaac Bonewits
|
Some (Very) Personal Notes:
As you may not know if you got here from some
other website, my name is Isaac Bonewits, Im 56 years old,
have been married five times (hope springs eternal), and am father
to a frighteningly intelligent and self-aware young man named
Arthur. Im 90% heterosexual, with a taste for pixies, artists,
ethnic archetypes and exotic blends, mad geniuses,
and the occasional werewolf. Despite the fact that some of my
friends and lovers are involved in the leather community,
I am (to them) distressingly vanilla, in my preferences
and practices. I believe that pain is something to avoid giving
or receiving, in contrast to pleasure, which I believe should
be given and received as often as possible in as many ways as
the sentient beings involved may desire. This may be related
to the amount of physical pain my ill health presents me with.
Before it became too painful, I used to be an amateur practitioner
of Tantra, the name given
to several paths of erotic spirituality, and a devoted Aphrodisian.
I am both a Neopagan
and polyamorous. My commitment to polyamory, a lovestyle
of intimate relationships with more than one other person at
a time, is tied closely to my polytheism and vice versa.
While not strictly necessary, Neopagan
beliefs are certainly more accepting of polyamory than those
of Judaism, Christianity, or Islam (the latter allows a man to
have several wives but not vice versa and is horrifically
sexist).
Like other polys which
is what we tend to call ourselves, leading to infinite parrot
jokes and logos (see below) I discovered early in life
that I had the ability to love more than one person and did not
have the ability to live monogamously. I suspect Robert Heinleins
and Robert Rimmers writings on the subject had a strong
influence on me their polyamorous worldviews were so logical,
if often unrealistically optimistic for their times. Ive
listed a few of their books below, that I think youll enjoy.
Also like other polys, my dream is to someday
be in an open group marriage and have a multi-adult household.
Ive done this for short periods of time in the past, and
I believe it can be done long-term in the present and future.
My current poly relationships involve several other (mostly Pagan)
women (and one angel), who live in various, mostly distant, parts
of the USA, usually with partners. Even though we dont
all live togetherin fact, Im happily living with
just my Lady Phaedra these dayswhat we have is something
part-way between an extremely extended family and an erotic network
of friends, lovers, and committed partners. When Phaedra and
I move to Ashland, Oregon in a few years, we hope to get a house
large enough for several adults to share.
In this section of my website I hope to provide
resources for people, especially fellow Neopagans, to investigate
polyamory and to connect with others doing the same. Your comments
and suggestions are more than welcome.
|
Polyamory in Theory and Practice
A good way to get the feel of specifically
Pagan polyamory is with Morning
Glory Zells classic article, A
Bouquet of Lovers. This essay first coined the
term polyamory and was a germinal work in the ongoing
Poly Love community dialog. It has since been reprinted in Polyamory:
The New Love Without Limits, which should be the second
item on your reading list. See the book list below for further
authors to study. A search for polyamory at yahoogroups.com
will reveal dozens of local, regional, and global lists (though
youll have to wade through hundreds of swingers
lists to find the polyamory ones), all of which discuss the joys,
woes, and weirdnesses of poly at great length.
I or Phaedra will be putting an essay here
in the near future, as well as links to essays by others. For
now, please use the resources listed on this page.
|
Polyamory Symbols and Slogans
The Poly Parrot logo to the left is
© 1998 c.e. by Kathryn McDaniel. Unfortunately, their Triad
Ventures website vanished, so I no longer know where to find
their stuff. Fortunately, if you go to CafePress.com
and do a search on polyamory you'll find over 700
products to enjoy, including t-shirts, hats, and the previously
elusive greeting cards for poly partners and announcements. One
of my favorites is the shirt that says Polyamory
is wrong! on the front and It is either Multiamory
or Polyphilia, but mixing Greek and Latin roots? Wrong!
Another says plural
without possession which is from the folks at SpiritualPolyamory.com.
You can also go here for A
List of Poly Symbols. I think Ill see what I can come
up with in thew way of some new poly art this spring.
|
Some Useful Books on Polyamory:
Polyamory: The New Love Without
Limits: Secrets of Sustainable Intimate Relationships, by
Deborah M. Anapol
Click here to buy
it from Amazon.com! |
Loving More: the Polyfidelity
Primar, by Ryam Nearing
Unfortunately out of print, but used copies are available on
the net. |
The Ethical Slut; A Guide to
Infinite Sexual Possibilities, by Dossie
Easton & Catherine A. Liszt
Click here for a Review by Deborah
Lipp.
Click here to buy
it from Amazon.com! |
Three in Love : Menages a Trois
from Ancient to Modern Times, by Michael
Foster, Letha Hadady, & Barbara M. Foster
Click here to buy
it from Amazon.com! |
The Myth of Monogamy, by
David P. Barash & Judith Eve Lipton
Click here to buy
it from Amazon.com! |
The New Intimacy: Open-Ended Marriage and
Alternative Lifestyles, by Ronald M. Mazur
Click here to buy
it from Amazon.com! |
Polyamory: Roadmaps for the Clueless &
Hopeful, by Anthony D. Ravenscroft
Click here to buy
it from Amazon.com! |
Spiritual Polyamory, by
Mystic Life
Click here to buy
it from Amazon.com! |
Readers would do well to investigate
some of the novels by two authors who, despite some occasionally
glaring sexism in their earlier works, in many ways led to the
creation of this movement, including: |
The Harrad Experiment, by
Robert Rimmer
Click here to buy
it from Amazon.com! |
The Premar Experiments, by
Robert Rimmer
Click here to buy
it from Amazon.com! |
Proposition 31, by
Robert Rimmer
Unfortunately out of print right now, this novel of an attempt
to make group marriage legal through a referundum is well worth
looking for. |
Stranger in a Strange Land, by
Robert Heinlein
This one led to the founding of the Church
of All Worlds, one of the primary sources of the current
Neopagan movement.
Click here to buy
it from Amazon.com! |
The Moon Is a Harsh Mistress, by
Robert Heinlein
Source of the immortal T.A.N.S.T.A.A.F.L. Principle!
Click here to buy
it from Amazon.com! |
The Notebooks of Lazarus Long, by
Robert Heinlein
Click here to buy
it from Amazon.com! |
Time Enough for Love, by
Robert Heinlein
Click here to buy
it from Amazon.com! |
Global Resources
Loving More,
is an international organization
and resource for people who believe its possible, practical
and particularly rewarding to love more than one other responsibly, intimately, and in integrity.
We value the diversity of forms that loving relationships can
take, and support innovative chosen lovestyles such as group
marriage, open couples, intimate networks, communities, tribes,
& expanded families.
The group is the synergistic union of two former poly groups
(IntiNet and PEP), and publishers of Loving More Magazine.
In addition to having excerpts from back issues on their website,
they also have complete back issues, anthologies, books and videos
for sale, as well as a live chat area, free poly personals, and
several polyamory e-mailing lists you can join. Their nonelectronic
contact data is: Box 4358, Boulder, CO 80307 ~ (800) 424-9561.
|
The
Sacred Space Institute grew
out of an erotic affinity group of intimate peers with the common
goal of supporting each others spiritual evolution. Our
intention is to create a context in which the arts of whole systems
healing, sacred sexuality, polyamory, community development and
new paradigm relating can be taught, developed, applied, given
professional legitimacy, and disseminated internationally. This group was founded by Deborah Anapol,
author of Polyamory:
The New Love Without Limits. The website includes a calendar
of workshops, books and videos for sale, and more. |
A truly major resource for polyamory
is www.polyamory.org,
which has grown beyond its early identity as the homepage for
the alt.polyamory newsgroup to become host to many fine
polyamory sites, including the legendary Howard
Landmans Polyamory Index, as well as dozens of
websites for local poly groups around the world, many polyamory
related e-mailing lists (including the famous poly one),
incredibly useful FAQs files (such as the famous How
to f*** up a poly or even a mono relationship), poly related
essays, and many other resources. |
Polyamory:
An Unconditional Love Online Magazine has articles, essays,
personal stories, links, chats, and resources of value to polyamorists
and those who love us. |
The Poly
Matchmaker website has a Poly Personals ad section, live
chats, multiple links to other poly sites and individuals, and
message boards. |
Public Polyamory If you want to find or
perhaps even be listed among the very out (public)
polys, you can visit Poly
and Poly-Friendly Folk on the Web. There you can submit
your own site or email address to be listed. |
Heres a link to a great essay on Valentines
Day for Polys. |
Poly Partners with Disabilities (recently received notice, 12/14/05)
Disabilities present many challenges
to the average family and there are many options for discussion,
support and venting. Unfortunately, polyamorous families find
most of these discussion groups don't cover all the dynamics
presented by our chosen family make-up.
This group was created for poly families who
have a member who has been diagnosed with a long or short term
disability. It is open to disabled partners, caregivers, family
members, extended family members and friends. Please use this
group as a place to share your experience, strenth and hope with
each other through internet conversation. Feel free to ask questions,
vent frustrations or share stories of hope.
This group is not modified, per se. Message
posts are sent to the list without approval by the moderator.
Obviously, differences of opinion are expected as is a bit of
cursing here and there, but please use common courtesy in your
responses. Written attacks on individual members, cyber-stalking
and spamming can result in loss of membership.
To subscribe send a blank email to: PolyPartnersWithDisabilities-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
As part of a poly couple with disabilities,
this looks to me like a great idea!
|
Local Resources
Ive decided not to maintain
a list of local groups here, because the sites mentioned above
do a much better job than I ever have of keeping their data about
local groups current. You will also find many local poly groups
by using the Pagan Poly Ring here on the right, as soon as I
get the code working right.
|
|
Copyright © 1999, 2005 c.e., Isaac Bonewits. This
text file may be freely distributed on the Net, provided that
no editing is done, the version number is retained, and everything
in this notice box is included. If you would like to be on one
or more of Isaac Bonewits emailing lists, click
here to get subscription information.
Is having access to this material worth a
few dollars, punts, pounds, or euros to you? Click the button
to make a fast and secure donation to Isaac and Phaedra Bonewits,
so they can afford to keep this website going and growing! Or
you can suggest to your local Occult/New Age bookstore that they
bring him and/or her out for one of his
or her
colorful presentations, or you could visit their Blatant
Hucksterism Page, or you could just send money to them at
PO Box 1010, Nyack, NY, USA 10960-8010. |
|
|
|
Isaac & Phae say:
We use PayPal and we recommend it!
|
|
|
|