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Everyone thinks of adoption as something involving
babies or at least children. The idea that an old person might
need "adopting" isn't intuitively obvious. In this
essay, I hope to explain how and why older Pagans could use some
help from the rest of the community.
I'm going to open by defining how I am using
the terms "senior," "elder," and "Elder."
The first term, "senior," can refer to anyone over
55 or 60 years of age in a modern Western culture. The second,
"elder" with-a-small-e, can refer to someone who has
taken a leadership role in a coven, temple, grove, or other religious
community; usually it carries an assumption that the person so
refered to has more years of religious training and/or experience
than the bulk of the group. When I use "Elder" with-a-capital-E,
I'm refering to a combination of the first two terms. A Pagan
Elder, therefore, is someone who has devoted most of his or her
life to serving a local, regional, national, or even international
Pagan community, earning many of their grey hairs in the process,
and who is now getting slow and creaky (if not cranky).
Every local Neopagan community has one, two,
or more older members who may be struggling to survive on a day-to-day
basis. Whether thay are seniors or Elders, and regardless of
what tradition they belong to or teach, or what local "witch
wars" they may have been part of years ago, now they are
getting old and needing help to get by. If they are Elders, the
main reason for their poverty is usually having devoted most
of their lives to serving a Pagan community instead of earning
their livings in nice middle-class jobs at corporations with
good retirement plans and health coverage. Even worse, sometimes
they did have such jobs, and juggled holding them down with serving
a community, and then got downsized and/or had their pension
plan looted by the top executives. Either way, like most Neopagan
clergy, the odds are high that they are living at an economic
level dramatically lower than most of the other Pagans they serve
or have served, often for decades. And, of course, there are
plenty of Pagan seniors around who may never have been leaders
or teachers, but who are still struggling to keep their heads
above water, especially in the current economy.
January through March are the worst months
for Pagan Elders. The weather is cold, there are few (if any)
festivals to pay them for teaching, authors' royalty checks from
the Yule shopping season don't arrive until late March or April,
any food gifts from relatives have run out, and everybody in
the mainstream culture is broke (or feels that way) . What does
or should this mean to non-elderly Pagans? It means that winter
is the most important time to check on your local Pagan seniors
(and any Elders living in your area) to see how they are doing.
Is their rent or mortgage paid, or is their landlord/the bank
trying to evict them? Is there heat in their home? Is there food
in their pantry? Is their walk shoveled?
In other seasons, they may need help planting
their garden, or weeding it, or mowing their lawn, or raking
leaves. In every season you should find out if there is gas in
their car or whether it need work to make it safe and legal.
Is their internet connection up and running? Is anyone visiting
them or taking them to local events? Has anyone bothered lately
to interview them and record their words of wisdom for future
generations of Pagans? Or are they simply ignored until someone
wants something from them--a ritual, or a handfasting, or a reading,
or an herbal treatment, or something else.
One of the ways that random assortments of
people become "communities" is by caring for their
own. So if you belong to a coven, grove, hearth, lodge, nest,
or temple, consider adopting a senior Pagan or an Elder in your
town, whether they belong to your tradition or not. Local groups
could get together to locate and support local seniors/Elders,
run fund-raising events, and organize charitable resources to
support those local Pagans in need. One of the discoveries I
made in writing The
Pagan Man is that something like a third of the Pagan
men who filled out my questionnaire said that they would belong
to a Pagan men's group if they could find one. Well, here's a
perfect justification to start one in your area, because doing
charitable work is a classic men's group activity, and one that
doesn't tend to make our sisters as nervous as other men's activities
can. You may be surprised at how many Pagan men living near you
will be happy to join a men's group dedicated to an honorable
cause. See the website of the Royal
Order of the Knights of Herne for an excellent example of
just such a group.
Why is it important to have Pagan charities,
rather than just contributing to secular ones? Often I am asked
by members of other religions, "Where are your charities--your
hospitals, soup kitchens, or food pantries?" Unfortunately,
I have to tell them honestly that we have only a handful of them
across the country or around the world. There is a Yahoo e-list
called Elder-Pagan
that is now discussing the long range plans necessary to create
retirement communities and support systems for our most vulnerable
members. You don't have to be old to join--in fact, they want
young people who will be around long enough to see long-range
plans put into action.
Establishing Pagan charities, or even just
creating a culture of generosity inside Pagandom, requires us
to face all our individual and group attitudes towards money
and fund-raising. Being a Pagan shouldn't be about just taking
the goodies that others have to give, but also about returning
our gifts to others, thus passing the good karma along. Among
the ancient tribal peoples so many of us seek to emulate, "hosting"
and "guesting" involved giving and receiving in complex
systems of reciprocal relationships. In fact, those words come
from the same Proto-Indo-European root, ghosti, which
is also the root of the word "ghost," referring to
a family spirit who must be shown proper respect and be fed with
offerings.
Yet the Christian Dualism that saturates our
mainstream culture, combined with left-over anti-money ideals
of the 1960s counterculture, leads many to assume that money
is "profane," that spiritual people "don't need"
money, and that anyone asking for money in a religious context
is "just like" the televangelists (whom we view as
dishonest and greedy) or whatever mainstream religion we were
brought up in. In an "us vs. them" worldview, remember,
anyone who has something about them that resembles anything
about someone else we consider evil, is of course, just as
evil--or at least comfortably ignorable. These attitudes,
of course, justify hanging on to our money rather than sharing
it with those in need. Indeed, it usually takes a major disaster
to shake us out of our complacency.
Here's an unpleasant fact that most Neopagans
would prefer to ignore: the reason religious leaders and groups
ask for money is that we live in a money economy and it takes
money to handle most aspects of survival (yes, I know about barter
systems, but landlords, utility companies, and pharmacies don't
take barter) . It doesn't matter how well-known Lady Pollyanna
might be among Pagans in her town (or even internationally) ,
her fame as a microcelebrity won't pay her rent or buy her groceries,
no matter how many hours she puts into teaching classes or counseling
those in need. Dru Hornblower may be an annoying old fart, but
he still needs help to pay for ceremonial supplies, sound equipment,
transportation, and space rentals for the eight holy day rites
he puts on for his community each year. The vast majority
of Neopagans are middle class or working class residents of the
wealthiest cultures in human history. Our poorest members--yes,
even you students--would be considered middle or upper class
in most countries of the world today, and royalty in most historical
cultures.
So the next time you are considering the purchase
of yet another piece of Pagan jewelry, a night of beer and pizza,
a trip to the movies, or a new video game, consider instead giving
the same amount of money to a Pagan charity or to a local Pagan
senior or Elder. If some Pagan Elder comes out and leads a spectacular
ritual that blows everyone's minds, start passing a hat for her
while the obligatory hugs are going on. She might be embarrassed,
but her cats and her kids will appreciate the food the extra
cash will buy. Don't be afraid to ask for money for those in
need at public Pagan events, for you will find that many people
are grateful for the chance to contribute to a good cause. This
can not only give you a short-term pleasure but also be a long-term
investment in your community's future.
I have seen too many Pagan seniors and Elders
living and dying in poverty to have much hope for my personal
future or that of my colleagues, unless our community makes a
major turnaround in attitudes and customs soon. It's way past
time for a major debate on Pagan charities in general and the
support of our Pagan seniors and Elders in particular. Otherwise
we will work until we drop, for there are no Druid pensions or
Wiccan 401Ks, and retirement will be impossible for us. Go ahead
and cast aspersions in my direction for bringing up the topic--plenty
of people have accused me and other Pagan Elders of "wanting
to live off of the community"--but, whatever your attitude
is, start arguing with your Pagan sisters and brothers about
this topic now, while there are still a few Pagan seniors and
Elders left!
One person asked, "How do we find a Pagan
senior or Elder to adopt?" My first thought was to search
the Witchvox listings for your state, province, or nation--they
have thousands of them! Once you know who your local covens,
lodges, temples, groves, etc. are, then you can contact them
to see if there are Pagan seniors or Elders in the area who might
need help. Another way would be to run
the name of some of your favorite Pagan Elders through Witchvox
or Google to see what news there is of them. Or you could just
ask!
Groups can collectively adopt an Elder or
a local senior. I know our local Unitarian Universalist congregation
of some 50 people or so have successfully kept a single mother
and her kids off the streets for a few years now. There are plenty
of Pagan groups of 40-50 members, or local networks of students
or former students of Pagan teachers, who could jointly adopt
someone in need.
This isn't just a problem for Wiccan Elders,
by the way. We know Druidic, Asatruar, Khemetic, and other Reconstructionist
Pagan Elders who are having a hard time surviving.
How can people help best? I hate to say it
but cold, hard, cash is the major thing most seniors and Elders
need, however much they might want to be independent. Just putting
money in an envelope and slipping it under their door or mailing
it off to them will improve their lives. Many Pagan seniors,
like other seniors, have to choose between rent and medications,
between paying the gas and electric bills or the telephone bills
(we know we have, on many occasions). Your anonymous gift can
help a senior or Elder pay both, when they fear being unable
to pay anything.
Just because someone may know and even teach
about "money magic" doesn't mean they can do it very
well themselves. Money spells are among the hardest to do effectively,
for several reasons. One is "simple" inertia, for the
number of people to be effected to make a series of coincidences
occur, that will result in money being given to the magician,
can be huge. Spells on specific individuals to make them give
you money are unethical, and most Pagan Elders will refuse to
do them. Money is also an extremely abstract concept, which makes
it harder to work with than something like health or love. Even
those who have a natural knack for money magic may not be able
to do it for themselves, for various psychological or ethical
reasons. Most of the really good money magicians we have known
didn't realize that was what they were doing and weren't part
of the magical or Pagan communities.
Don't assume that published authors are living
off their royalties--the overwhelming majority of writers, even
Pagan and magical ones, make only a few thousand dollars per
year (if that) in book royalties or speaking fees. Just because
a title listed on Amazon may be #1 in its topic category (like
Bonewits's Essential Guide to Druidism has frequently
been) doesn't mean the book is selling more than a handful of
copies a week, from which the average Pagan writer is lucky to
get a buck a book. My old friend Randall Garrett, a science fiction
writer, used to tell me that a professional writer needed three
things: "a tweed suit, a briar pipe, and a spouse with a
steady income." Most of your favorite Pagan authors either
have such a spouse or they have a day job that pays the rent
so they can spend a few hours a week writing. Such households,
especially if there are children involved, usually live at an
economic level far below that of most of their readers.
Cash aside, gifts of jams and jellies, baked
goods, homemade soaps and such can make Elders feel loved and
appreciated (and lower their grocery bills). If you know they
have pets, bring over some dog or catfood. If you know they have
years of notes and correspondance sitting in boxes, go over and
give them a few hours of organizing and filing time every week
for a few months. There are many ways we can make our Pagan seniors
and Elders feel better and show them our appreciation for the
lives they have dedicated to our movements.
But as my friend Magenta commented in our
blog, it's not only cash that seniors/Elders need.
"Many may need help to stay relatively
independent. Elders may need lifts to ritual -- and to the grocery
store. Help sorting old papers, and help mopping the kitchen
floor. I would be freaked if someone just gave me an envelope
with cash in it--and I don't like jams and jellies. What I am
trying to say is, ask what they need, and find a way to provide
it that leaves giver and receiver with dignity intact. Sometimes,
what seniors and Elders need most is company, and feeling needed
and listened to. This culture tends to shun the elderly and the
sick, and make them feel worthless. Pay attention, young'uns!"
Even when the economy is staggering,
Pagan Elders and seniors will be worse off than you are. So if you want them around for a few more years,
give whatever help you can. One reader of previous versions of
this essay went so far as to make an "Adopt an Elder Pledge
Sheet" which he gives to people to fill out with the name
of their preferred recipient and mail to them along with whatever
help they are pledging for the first month. He also gives a copy
of this essay and the pledge form to reproduce and pass on to
three more Pagans. This is a great idea and we strongly encourage
it and other creative approaches to solving the growing problem
of genuine Pagan poverty among our Elders and seniors.
If you would be interested in helping Isaac
and Phaedra, visit Our
Blatant Hucksterism Page for up to date news on our situation
and multiple ways to help.
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